It is so over!
“It’s not you, it’s me” (Nope, it’s just you…and your smelly feet). “I want to be friends” (I’d like to keep you around in case the new person I’m seeing doesn’t work out). “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” (My psychiatrist keeps telling me I’m confused). “You’re like a brother/sister to me” (Now that I’m sober, I am totally repulsed by kissing you). “I need space” (I am tired of you stalking me. Please stop driving past my house with your headlights off and blowing up my phone with ‘Where are you’ voice-mails). “I need time” (I lost a lot of hours listening to you whine). “I don’t know where I’ll be in six months” (I definitely won’t be with you in six months). “I’m moving” (Down the street). “I hope you find what you’re looking for” (I hope a bus hits you). “We’re just not on the same page” (You’re reading a different book). “I need to find myself” (Would you please get lost?). “I’m not ready to settle down” (I don’t want you to be the mother/father of my children!). “We’re in different places in our lives” (I am feeling intense urges to flee the country). “We’re not compatible” (Your snoring is atrocious. I haven’t slept in three months). “We want different things” (You want me, I want your sister). “I wish you the best” (I want ravens to pick out your eyes). “I’m emotionally unavailable” (I’m still in love with my ex). My personal favorite is, “I hope you two will be very happy together” (I hope the fleas of 1,000 camels infest your bed sheets).
No, these witty lines aren’t ours, we borrowed them from Rebecca Miller of Ohio State University, but you get the idea. We’re breaking up with Tumblr. Come check out our new hot date over at www.kcbphotography.com/blog.
4 years ago
